my dad doing his thing

STRESS AND STRESS MANAGEMENT
LECTURE DELIVERED FOR MEN FELLOWSHIP BREAKFAST MEETING JUNE 2010
The primitive cave man who suddenly see a lion looking for its meal in front of him – would suddenly exhibit a fight-or-flight reaction in which he would fight the lion or run into safety. The cave man who failed to react quickly would become a meal in the mouth of the hungry lion.
In this age – a typical normal person who is trying to cross the highway as he/she steps into the road – suddenly hears the sound of a vehicle horn – jumps back, starts to breathe fast, heart pounding, visibly shaken, perspiring profusely. He/she has just had a fight-or-flight response.
The common factor is the stress – which is certain threat to safety by the sudden appearance of a lion or the vehicle to which the person must adjust/respond instantly otherwise – survival is lost. Jumping back of the road is the fight – or flight response.
In other words fight-or-flight response is inbuilt in the human being for survival from threats. So it is essential. This response which is essential to our survival is action resulting from a complex physiological/chemical reaction involving the cerebral cortex, hypothalamus, limbic system, thyroid adrenal glands.
We know that in today’s society the fight-or-flight response has become a threat itself – a threat to our health. The threat to safety – in the form of sudden appearance of a vehicle is the stressor while the stress reactivity is the response exhibited in form of fight-or-flight. The fight or flight response was necessary, and its rapidity was vital for survival.

Then What causes Stress?
The answer is partly stressor and partly stress reactivity.
Stress reactivity includes increased muscle tension, increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, increased autonomic nervous system activity – dry mouth, increased perspiration, raised serum glucose, increased HC(secretion in the stomach and increased urination).
STRESS MANAGEMENT GOAL
We should get it clear that the goal of Stress Management is not to eliminate all stress. Life would certainly be dull without joyful stressors to which we have to adjust and a distressor needing response.
Furthermore, stress is often a motivator for peak performance. For example, when one is experiencing stress about an upcoming test, you will be more likely to study more intensely than if you are not concerned.
It is important therefore to know that not all stress are unwanted. We need some level of stimulation i.e. stress to write an examination, pass an interview such is called eustress otherwise we will go into exam hall “flat”. Yet, when this situation overwhelms us, we can’t perform, we are destabilized, we may become confused – we may not even be able to quote our exam number correctly – such a reaction is negative to performance – it is called “distress”.
Manifestations of Stress
- Sweating - Shaking
- Urinary urgency & frequency - diarrhea
- Nervous - watery palm
- Headache - migraine
- Restless - neck pain
- Palpitation - fast breathing
- Cold hands - irrational talk
- Irrational behavior - hot temper
- Dizziness - agitation
- Hostile - mental breakdown
- Lack of concentration - not able to cope with spouse
- Decrease performance in office/job - hypertension
- Peptic ulcer - indigestion
- Aggression, displaced aggression -irritable etc.
In real life setting, stress begins with a life situation (event) that knocks you (gently or abruptly) out of balance. You are shoved into disequilibrium and need to “right” yourself. Your step or action taken to “right” yourself – reactions – to bring you back to balance can be appropriate and so life goes on or inappropriate with consequent ill-health in various forms. Nobody is immune to stress, we only learn to cope in various ways depending on our personality, spirituality, personal exposure and other factors.
Yoruba adage says “Even if you don’t have anything to pursue, what of those things pursuing you which must never overtake you”. So everybody will agree with me that nobody can escape stress.
The real life causes of stress – challenges or attack or stressors are:
Life events vis: (1) Death
-Loss of spouse
- Loss of child in the family
- Loss of parents
- Loss of sponsor = “Kiku ma pa alanu mi”
- Loss of other close relations or friends
(2) Divorce or separation
(3) Change of Faith/Religion
(4) Loss of job, under employment
(5) Collapse of business/bankruptcy
(6) Difficult spouse/children/parents
(7) Jilted Lover
(8) Unemployment
(9) Traffic chaos
(10) Violence and crime in the neighbourhood
(11) Our life style
(12) Our ambition
(13) Over promotion
(14) Over size family
The list is inexhaustible. It spans the whole realm of human endeavour.
Diseases such as hypertension, diabetes, asthma etc are worsened in the presence of stress. Stress initiates some of those diseases or aggravates them. Even stress has a hand in Malaria. Lay man rightly observe this when they say “I was exposed to too much wahala recently – travelled home or elsewhere – therefore I have malaria.”
In the present day Nigeria, the citizenry is stressed to a breaking point. Or else how do you see or react to recent events local and national vis Rumour of bank collapse that eventually surfaced in “the untouchable” being booted out – depositors who could have lost their life saving in the banks if they were closed down! It was a close share!
OR – ATM problem – where people clone your account number and you just discovered some faceless person have withdrawn your hard earned money from your account in Port Harcourt or elsewhere where you have never been! You want to invest in Stock exchange people hijack your dividend, open an account elsewhere in your name to match that on the cheque and so withdraw later.
OR Keep your money under your pillow – boys come calling “Open and cooperate OR – All the Boko Haram, all the Niger Delta militants. Organised kidnapping and other crime and violence in the neigbourhood! Etc
The list is endless and if anybody did not agree with me at the start, I am sure you now agree you are affected! It is a silent killer – Stress is a silent killer – killing its victim slowly! Now that we have idea of what stress is, what do we do?
STRESS MANAGEMENT
Here is a unique disease that does not resolve on medication but rather on counseling and other measure.
1. HUMOR
Bill Cosby (American Comedian said “If you can laugh, then you can survive any situation” when asked how he was coping with the murder of his son.
With escalating stressful situation in Nigeria, God has created a new way of coping for us. Many comedians are now arriving at the scene to serve the increasing number of stressed Nigerians. It used to be Baba Sala, Aluwe, Papa Ajasco or just a hand full of them that cannot go round in the contemporary Nigeria.
2. RECREATION
Games and hobby make us relax from the chronic tense muscles of the neck and head and back pain associated with stress. I do not need to describe the followership or fans of the English Premier League is also the Serie A of Italian and Spain. Far away as they are that have good effect on our youth who are stressed to a breaking point.

3. SPIRITUALITY
Here in the Fellowship Camp just as we have in our various weekly meetings we share a lot of our problems and challenges. The Bible Study, the Sermon, the Sunday School topics thrashed in details etc often expose our “ignorance” in that we just discover we are not alone in our “struggle”.
Spirituality helps us to overcome or cope with stress. Problem shared is problem half solved or other ways.
4. DELEGATING
Pastor who has IHD on ECG and fainted briefly. He also has a lot of night vigil to conduct. He is straining his heart, collapse due to physical exhaustion. He was placed on medications, counselled he can continue his pastoral job but should take advice of Moses In-Law – you alone cannot do this job – therefore delegate some duties/work to suitable members/elders etc.
5. EXERCISES
Walking a determined distance on regular basis. Playing games and other meditations are important part of it.
6. APPROPRIATELY RELATING WITH SPOUSE AND FAMILY
If everybody frustrates me outside e.g. in the office, traffic or any other place getting home is always a welcome relief. God teaches us companionship when he made it clear that it is not good for the man to be alone “so he found him a wife. Two heads are better than one.
7. MUSIC
Music is one of the important way of relaxing from tension – even mourning is modified if appropriate music is played.
8. TAKING A STROLL
Rather than break, take a stroll when “the heat” is getting too much. People do it with good effect.
9. HOLIDAY
Most of the time we visit countryside say back in Kwara State or our other home state we are refreshed. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
10. CONFIDANT FOR DISCUSSION
This is important. The confidant can be your fellowship member/Leader, Pastor or close friend.
11. DEVELOP “ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE”
Both to God and fellowmen. Have you said “thank you” to anybody today? When I come down from “danfo” whether they listen or not, it’s my habit to say “thank you”. Even if I face the conductor, the gratitude is actually to God. So have you said “thank you” today.
If I were asked to choose the best way to manage stress – I would probably choose COMMUNICATING WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND OBTAINING SOCIAL AND SPIRITUAL SUPPORT FROM THEM.
THANKS FOR LISTENING.
ELDER (DR) B.A. ALABI

MUSING

The mark of a saint is not perfection, but consecration. A saint is not a man without faults, but a man who has given himself without reserve to God. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
Nothing is going to change my love for you. You ought to know by now how much I love you, one thing you can be sure of is that am never going to ask for more than your love. If you should leave me now am going to take it like a guiding star to know what is wrong. I will be there if ever you need me, just before, hold me close, love me now, I don’t want to live without you.
Nothing can take the wind out of our sail, the sky may be dark, the days full of uncertainty but at dusk I’m okay if you still got that smile that melts my heart, that velvet voice that tingles in my ears, that soft laugh that rings like melody in my soul, the glitter of your eyes that is the gateway to the soul, the nice curly hair that evokes passion in me. The unthinkable ideas that makes you who you are, a sensation of beauty, splendor and poise!
Hail the queen of my hearts! Her majesty with an enduring crown! So full of grace and candour yet humble like a peasant. What more can I say, you make my world spin too fast that I fear for my poor heart! What have I done to deserve this rare privilege? Indeed you are beautiful inside, ethereal and esoteric in nature, shining outside, you can do no wrong if you will cease from man and look above to the one who is able to save and love forever---Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour.